Love

   And then, there was Love. A true Love. One sought out from the Depths of Pain that clouded any chance of Belief that Love really exists. 

And yes, it does. Its alive and well. Its beautiful.  Its everywhere its accepted. Its here. 

The sea is Deep yet Love is deeper than those Depths. And it waits to be Called. It will answer.  

It has Spoken.

Love Life Real Advice Update

  I've been away for a minute. Time does fly. But my promise is to pick right back where I left off. Giving you the best uncut Advice. So don't give up. Love still exists. And as always, have a Blessed relationship.

Four Types of Love Part 2 Concsious Love

 Relationships, including marriages and long-term commitments, fail all the time, but we keep trying to plug into the same formula. We perpetuate this by modeling it for our children, causing them pain—not out of cruelty, but tradition and habit. This is the way things have always been done.
 I see memes constantly on social media touting the idea that we are complete on our own, but I am still surrounded by friends and coaching clients who are looking for that someone who will “make them happy” and soothe all the pain inside them. Where love is concerned, there is a disconnect between logic and emotion.
 In my search for a definition for conscious love, I decided to Google the phrase, and surprisingly came up with very little.

Growth is the goal, and much of what we have been taught to want in relationships is in direct opposition. All the roles we expect each other to play. All the repression of our true selves to “keep” someone. All the dumbing down of our dreams and lessons to fit the idea of a couple as one unit without separation.

 Know who you are and who you want to be—not for others, but following your soul’s desire. I think of this concept as internal, although it certainly manifests externally. As part of a couple, we may find this helps us set boundaries and find joy as we come together as real people, and not roles we play. Be authentic.
 Let others know who you are, even when they may not like everything about you. This prevents all kinds of resentment that can challenge a relationship. Feel the freedom to communicate the emotions, thoughts and dreams of who you are or want to be. This is an enormous gift you give your partner—trust as shown by your willingness to be vulnerable with them. Be transparent.
  We come to each other with past pain and our own course of lessons and challenges. The more quickly we are able to recognize old triggers and behaviors that inhibit growth, the healthier we are and the more we have to offer each other. We also need to be aware of our defaults in emotions and behavior, because when growth and change get uncomfortable, we will automatically retreat there. Be aware.
 Sometimes we treat love like it’s a destination. We want that peak feeling all the time, and when it’s not there, we’re not satisfied with what the relationship has become. In my mind, this is missing the whole point of love.

 As of now, most people get into relationships to satisfy their own personal needs. This might work for a few years, but eventually the relationship fails us, and we end up unsatisfied as a result.
 But when two people come together with the intention of growth, the relationship strives towards something much greater than gratification. The partnership becomes a journey of evolution, and the two individuals have an opportunity to expand more than they could alone. Deep satisfaction and long-term fulfillment arise as a result.
 The reality is, we’re here to grow. Physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. When growth stops, we automatically feel like something’s gone wrong. Because it has. Without growth, we aren’t fulfilling our soul’s purpose.
 Unfortunately, relationships today tend to stifle growth more than enhance it. This is one of the main reasons we’re failing at romantic love.

 We want our partners to act in a certain way, we repress ourselves to please to others, and soon enough, we feel small, oppressed and puzzled about who we’ve become. This, inevitably, makes the relationship feel like a cage that we want to break out of. But the unfortunate truth is: we’ve caged ourselves.
 Most of us still believe that relationships should only feel good, and when bad feelings surface, something has gone terribly wrong. What we fail to see in this situation is that these shitty feelings stem from our own faulty patterning! These issues are not caused by our partners; they’re caused by our beliefs.

 It’s rare to be completely honest about who you are, and to stretch yourself to let your partner do the same. You may not like what you hear; in fact, it may trigger the hell out of you. But you’re willing to be triggered if it means your partner can be authentic.
 Like I already said, we’re used to molding and changing ourselves to please people we love because we don’t want them to stop loving us! This stifles the love out of our connections.

People have had their opinion on what conscious love is for years. Depending on the person, whatever relationship they are in, and what love they possess, it can mean a many things. But as we all know, experience will always be our best teacher. Especially when dealing with love. So be careful who you love and how you love. Many people are so blinded to the fact that they don't know they are consciously in love. If you love someone or like someone and that person has no intention of giving back the same to you, then you are a victim to this most common love that has so much danger wrapped around it. This love has also been proven to be linked to murder, jealousy, envy, and people going to prison for a very long time.
 If a man comes home from a very hard day of work to find his wife sitting at the table with divorce papers asking him to sign, of course that will throw anyone off. Because during the whole relationship with her he thought she loved him. Yes there were ups and downs, but that morning she said "I love you too." Now his mind is in a rage, and the only thing he tells himself is if I can't have her no one can. Then he snaps, and before he stops to think, it happens.
 So again be careful how you love and who you love. Conscious love could be good but there is no good outcome in that type of love. So look for the signs and act accordingly.
 And our next blog we will be discussing Compassionate Love. Until then, have a blessed relationship.
#loveliferealadvice

Four Types of Love Part 1 "Romantic Love"

 Romantic love is the kind of love related to sexual desire. It is heavily controlled by emotions such as passion and desire. It is the opposite of platonic love, where you have no sexual desires for that person whatsoever. It is believed that this kind of Love Alone cannot be sustained for years and years.

 Romantic love can generate many powerful feelings. It can provide a profound ecstasy, and deep suffering when frustrated. To some people, romantic love is irrational, and can seem like an emotional storm.
 
 When a man and woman meet and feel "in sync", there can be an exhilarating experience of harmony and that their relationship is right. Being "in sync" is an experience of knowing the other in a very special sense. Both may resonate to a marvelous kind of rhythm.

 Sometimes two people meet and are on the verge of falling in love. They may have a lot in common and they may be physically attracted on the basis of their appearances.  Yet they can feel strangely out-of-sync with each other. They may even feel irritated and have difficulty accounting for these feelings. The person who is naturally fast and eagerly explore's life may feel chronically impatient with a person who savors life at a slower pace. The person with a less fevered pace may feel chronically pressured.   The person who interprets these differences as personal or intentional by the other will feel frustrated and even angry in the relationship.

  I began to question the notion of romantic love when thinking about its emotional root. Love is a fleeting emotion, and like all emotions, it comes and goes like the clouds in the sky. Why have I been taught to select my life partner based on an emotion? I’m surely not encouraged to use emotion when buying a house, applying for a job, or doing my personal finances, but when it comes to choosing a human being that I’m supposed to spend the rest of my life with, I’m advised by the establishment narrative to use emotion for the biggest decision of them all.

Another major clue that romantic love is a childish strategy for choosing mates is the fact that countries with arranged marriages, where partners are picked based on purely practical matters, have lower divorce rates that in countries where romantic love is used to select mates. While there are multiple reasons for divorce in any society, it is rather coincidental that the countries most impacted by notions of romantic love happen to have the highest divorce rates.

Instead, practicality must be the order of the day. You must logically evaluate any person you intend to be with for more than a casual relationship by weighing their values, beliefs, and sexual history. This is easier said than done because we’ve been so brainwashed to believe passion is important, but it simply makes the most amount of sense. Find a mate the same way you would find a new job or buy a new house, and be wary of those who picked you based more on passion than practical matters.

It may sound cold to search for your wife/husband like you would a business partner, but that is exactly what it is. The day-to-day life of a family home is far more business and economics than love, and so you should come to the easy conclusion that that’s what you must use to form a stable home.

Most people never learn how to sustain a loving relationship. The reason is simple. Nobody showed them. The mere fact that a man and woman feel love toward each other does not guarantee they will be able to create a joyful and rewarding life. Love does not automatically teach a person communication skills. Love does not teach a person how to resolve a conflict. Love does not teach people how to weave their love into the rest of their life.

 For most people who fall in love, a time will come when they sense the beginning of problems. They know that romantic love can produce great joy and happiness. But with time, they begin to feel more alone. They experience self-doubt and they feel the consequence of their unmet needs. They begin to see the other person more like they truly are and not what they needed them to be. They usually begin to find faults in others and they may become jealous, angry, bitter, sarcastic or cynical. Many will separate or remain together in misery. They will often have children and try to raise a family in an effort to revive the relationship or to feel better. Many will have an affair. When they separate or divorce, some will get involved in another relationship too quickly. They try to find some way to ease the pain. They idealize this new person in their life and the cycle starts over. They say to themselves, "I'll never be hurt like that again.

Another essential principle to understanding romantic love is the concept of "A private universe." Two people in love can create a private universe out of their sense of individuality, their similar sense of life, their differences and similarities, their rhythm and energy, and the capacity to make meaningful contact with each other. This universe can be shared with silent understandings, unspoken words, humorous signals, and focused glances.  Conversations and physical contact become wondrous, exciting and safe.

 Romantic love is based on shared sight and is shaped by happiness. Immature love is based on shared blindness, and is merely a fortress against pain.

Romantic love is a sanctuary, and a source of nourishment and energy. Sometimes romantic love is the only point of certainty, and the only thing that is solid and real in the midst of chaos and ambiguity.

 Failure to understand the importance of our rhythm and energy, and the effect on relationships, will lead to quarrels and disagreements.  These difference can become antagonistic even though they have the potential to become complimentary.   When couples don't recognize or appreciate their differences, many will become extreme or try to change the other person in order to create a balance. When this fails couples begin to look for faults in each other. As the relationship begins to fail, they may begin to explain their problems in terms of the alleged faults. They remain unaware of a deeper reasons for their discomfort and acceptance of differences.

Once you are aware of this phenomena, and notice it in your relationships, you can better understand why people are attracted and irritated by each another. Rhythm and energy are the means to explore difference and similarities and to gain a deeper harmony and compatibility.

It’s clear that using romantic love and passion as your primary standard for long-term relationships will lead to failure and maybe even personal catastrophe. You’ll easily come to this conclusion by evaluating your past relationships and the mistakes you’ve made on women who you had intense passion for.

 Flowers, candy, and romance are good at getting someones attention. So if you find someone in need of Real Love, Don't romance them because they will end up hating you. Don't lie to them! Be straight up from the beginning and you may convince them to go along with it, but only for a short moment until they Journey away. Remember, most romantic love turns into a sexual attraction just before it turns into hate. So don't be the bad person about it. Romance is only for a season, and nothing to last for a lifetime.

 Stay tuned for Part 2 of The Four Types of Love, Conscious Love" Have a Blessed relationship. #loveliferealadvice

Your Relationship Versus Your Family

  Whether good or bad, without Family you have no one. But when it comes to you having to stand in the gap or in between your Relationship and your Family, there are some things that you need to be aware of.

  It may be true in some cases that blood may not be thicker than water. But still, Family is Family, and no one has the right to try and come between that, unless you allow it. Then the blame is on you.

  Terri Apter Ph. D. Domestic Intelligence wrote in Psychology Today about In-Law Conflict and Troubled Marriages. In it she said, "When two people decide to marry, each makes a pledge that the other will be the most important person in their life. "You're the one" and "You come first" are common phrases that seal this promise. And so we expect that our partner will be on our side when the going gets rough".

 She went on to say,

  In-law relationships are not simple. Balancing loyalties, drawing boundaries between ourselves and the people we love, and resisting the self-protective biases that blind us to our own unfairness are all essential to prevent in-law conflict from overwhelming a marriage - and to silence those cries of "Whose side are you on?"

Based on Terri Apter's new book "What do you want from me? learning to get along with in-laws". 

 You can read this and more from Terri Apter Ph. D. here https://m.barnesandnoble.com/w/what-do-you-want-from-me-terri-apter/1111826234

I've seen Relationships where the two go out, spend time with Family, laugh, joke, have fun, drink, then get home and talk cash shit. And sometimes it's vice versa. Who are you to let someone talk down on your Family? Whatever the situation, its not right. You're not supposed to bring someone around your Family that willingly casts disrespect, in your face. True, you may have your reasons, but guess what? The more you engage in those conversations the Universe is responding. And you wonder why things aren't all peaches and cream in your life and relationship. But please believe, Karma is just around the corner getting a quick fill-in before she pays you a much needed visit.

Not only does this make your mate look ignorant, but to your mate, you look ignorant too. And in the back of their head, you appear weak. Put an end to it now because as long as they are discussing your Family with you, they also are discussing you with someone else. And there is a chance you will be left alone with them putting all the blame on your Family. They wouldn't dare put the blame on themself knowing the problem is within. And God forbid you figure them out because they'll be out the door so quick your head will spin. Don't be a fool for love.

This is not common for all Families and Relationships. There's actually more that are on the right track than on the wrong track. But if the shoe fits, well, you know the rest.

Then you have the relationships that what goes on at home always end up in someone elses home. Disagreements, call mama. Yelling or arguments, call mama. And you're always made out to be the bad person when you were just misunderstood. Sucks right? And you ask yourself, " Where dey do dat at"? Well, behind your back is where dey do dat at. And that is so not what's up. Do you for a change.

Have you ever been out with their Family, and everyone is looking at you sideways? Some being short with you while others are pretending to like you? That's an uncomfortable position to be in right? And the reason they know more about you than you do is because the one you thought Loved you is telling them. And then there's those little lies mixed in just to make it sound good. It may be hard to do, but leave now before you get left. Kinda like being the first to call the police to avoid getting locked up. Sometimes you need to see things from a different prospective.

Be careful of those that spend more time with mama than you. Because mama or Family may be that little bird telling them to leave you, or possibly hooking them up with someone they like better than you. Take it from someone that has been there, be Aware.

  Be with who you love, but keep toxic people out of it. That's like mixing business with pleasure, it wont work. If any of these things are happening in your Relationship, it may be time to stand up and discuss the negative and how you both can turn it into a positive. If its your Family, handle that. Don't leave yourself vulnerable to being a statistic of what could have been. 

  Right is right and wrong is wrong. Stop defending the wrong people because eventually, it'll all come back to you in a way you wouldn't have imagined. Just be all that you can be and change for the better. It will be well worth it in the end. 

  Family was there from the beginning and will be there no matter what. There is three sides to every story, what's left now is the truth that only you know.

  If it takes moving far away because you love your mate and don't want Family to break that up, then do so. Sometimes that out-of-sight out-of-mind feeling will speak for itself. 

  Just as we opened our hearts we must open our minds to the things we do and say. Words are powerful and can take any situation from zero to a hundred real quick. Be quick to hear and slow to speak. Be humble and thankful for everything, even for the things you don't deserve. Its all teaching and preparing you for what is truly for you. If need be, get away from the madness. You deserve a unintended vacation to clear your mind and listen for direction. No one can stop you. If you don't have a way to get away, the mind is a terrible thing to waste. Use it! Life is too short to be standing in the gap of a forbidden Relationship or Family. 

Start now by putting one foot in front of the other, and walk away before it walks away from you. You deserve much better. 

  In our next Blog we will begin a four part series on The Four Types of Love. Romantic, Conscious, Compassionate and Unconditional. Have a blessed Relationship. #loveliferealadvice

  

Why Friendship Is Important Before Being Lovers

  Falling in Love is one thing that many dream of experiencing in their lifetime. And having a true friend that will be there and listen when times are tough is another thing that is good for the soul.
  Many happy marriages have started in high school, and some much earlier. And a number of them may have steamed from a Love Flame which is rare but also common. Not saying all Relationships require friendship, but to get the most out of it, be friends first.

  Knowing yourself is critical when calling people friends. They may look like friends but actually some are wolf in sheep clothing. And many people realize this in their relationship after giving their all and showing themselves worthy. 

  Know your friends and get to know your friendships. Your soulmate could be even closer than you imagined, possibly in your circle. 

  For centuries, we have chosen apperance for being our fuel for falling in Love, and in some cases, not knowing the person at all. And then later in the relationship one may ask, "What's my favorite color, or food." And the list goes on. And trust me when I say, it's not a fun place to be in a relationship beating yourself up because you have no idea who the person is sleeping next to you in bed. So at all costs, remember to build a friendship first. Get to know the person and take things slow, theres no rush. What God has for you is for you, no one can take that away. 

  Love is Love. I Love You means I Love You. But don't be so quick to throw those words out at someone. Who knows, you may appear weak, and if theres a chance to take advantage of you, well...theres your advantage taken. You did it to yourself. If you are someone who uses those words for leverage or just to get some and bounce,  then my friend you have another thing coming to you. And when Karma is done, you'll wish you didn't mess with her and her multiple orgasms she's about to surprise you with. Be smart, Have a heart.

  Love will always be around just as God told us it will, theres no getting around that part. And in the end, Love is all that will matter because Love will be all that remains . Instead of always being on the receiving end, be on the giving end for a change and I promise you your life will change drastically. 

  Past relationships aren't always a bad thing. They too can have their rewards. The two know each other very well and both knows what went wrong and what it will take to make it right. One of the cons to past relationships is wherever things left off, thats exactally where they will pick back up. So if there was fussing, fighting, argueing, or infidelity on break up day,  believe me, that by nightfall on the second or third time around, your past will catch up with you. Again. Do what you have to do but be smart this time around and keep a fire extinguisher close by just in case you have to put out that rekindling flame again. 

  When there is friendship established before Love, relationships have been proven to be stronger and last a lot longer. Not only has trust been discovered, but there is now a foundation to build on. A house with no foundation is like a relationship with no friendship, it will fall. If you have that already I congratulate you, hold on to it because it is so hard to find in a world dedicated to keeping us disrracted. 

  Friendship is the L in Love. It covers you. And when those little arguments or disagreements may arise, they are easy to extinguish by knowing who they are and what they like, mixed with a little kindness, theres no way you can lose.

  This task is so not popular in relationships. People take what they think they see at face value and run with it. Yes, beauty is skin deep, but Love runs deeper. Know how to use it before someone gets hurt. 

  Save those dangerous three words "I Love You," until they can genuinely come from your heart. Once someone hears it, they expect to hear it. Be smart, have a Heart. 

  Know your friends, and more importantly, know your relationships. Create your circle don't let your circle create you, and grow. Embrace the greatness within self and always be the person you want standing next to you.

  In our next Blog we will be discussing family involvement in Relationships/Marriages and how for some it is not healthy. Be Blessed. #loveliferealadvice

Facebook And Its Relationships

    Social Media has played a major role in the way we stay connected with family, friends, and classmates. Without Facebook, theres a chance that class reunions would be at an all time low. That was the Purpose, from the beginning in 2004, when it was created as a project of Mark Zukerberg's on the campus of Harvard.
  Recently, Zukerberg and 120 Facebook leaders from different Facebook groups met at Facebook's first Community Summit in Chicago to talk about and "Change" the Purpose of Facebook. All steming from the fallout of how Facebook handled fake accounts from around the world during the Trump/Clinton campaign. In that meeting, Facebooks purpose was updated. Zuckerberg said and I quote, "The new Purpose of Facebook is to give people the power to build community and bring the world closer." Am I the only one that thinks this Guy will be the next President? Because there was no change, just an Update to their policy.
  But anyway, with that being said for those that weren't caught up with Facebook and their doings. And you can read their complete biography by clicking the link
https://mashable.com/2006/08/25/facebook-profile/#E6M4umkAQuqm

  McKinley Irvin Family Law along with 81% of divorce lawyers nationwide, did their own study. And the results can be eye opening.

  Time is not replaceable. And how upside down the world is today, we need it! We need to spend time with loved ones the way we spend money on them. When I first saw these numbers and percentages I believed it. You should too.

  Confrontation and fighting comes from the Conscious side of love. Later in this Blog I will be talking about it along with the other three types of Love that surround it.

  Tim A. Pychyl, wrote in Psycology Today, about his concerns that Facebook is leading to "technological time wasting" and procrastination. He went on saying, "The use of Facebook can have psychological effects, including feelings of jealousy and stress, lack of attention, and social media addiction, in some cases comparable to drug addiction. So theres your gateway to the never ending cycle of Facebook's Relationships.

  Not all Relationships are the same. Its the ones that are the same, The ones that what goes on at home don't stay at home type ish. Home is definitely not where the Heart is. Because what should be at home in bed cuddled up next to you feeding you your favorite fruit, somehow ended up at home  in the living room liking, laughing, and making comments on everything that everybody else and they mama doing on Facebook. And possibly hiding post from no one on Facebook, except you, the one and only. How does that feel? Need I say more?  I could close the book right here and call it a day because #nuffsaid. How many punches does it take to get to the center of your already hurting heart? Your choice to make, My choice to go deeper and show you what I have researched.
  This is Love Life Real Advice. And as we promised, we will give you Uncut truth and Advice.
   Its OK to not be OK sometimes. I needed those not OK moments in my past relationships to make it OK with myself first. Respect people on their level and stop respecting them on the broken level pedestal that we put them on.. #ijs
  Catch our next Blog later this week.
How being friends before lovers is critical to a relationship that has Potential. Thank you and as always, Have Blessed Relationships. #loveliferealadvice